Friday, September 22, 2006

making progress on practical opinions

Paris Hilton, intellectuals, horses and mollusks
Have but one thing in common: Sex.
But not all of them talk about it.

The Intellectual appeared on national television advising women on
The Only Practical Thing to Do: Fake It.
Fake it, she said, with a matching smile.

In a related incident, young 36-28-36s started having
Weekly meetings in Surinam , Fiji , Oregon and Vishakhapatnam to
Get It Right. Dogs in the neighbourhoods scurried.

When quizzed on her former views, nearly three decades old,
And quite out of synch with this New Practical Opinion,
She shook her head and said,
“But that’s not what I meant at all. That is not it, at all.”

Within a fortnight, the 36-28-36s were already getting it righter.
One more coloured ribbon successfully added to the
Gift-wrapped, New Improved Themselves.
The dogs were most upset.

In a moment of lucidity, I knew where the werewolf legend came from.
Perhaps some medieval Intellectual had advised young women
With The Only Practical Thing To Do.

Within a month, the medieval myth of werewolves appearing
Only on full moon nights had been firmly dispelled.
They now roamed quite freely on all nights.
And they were more practical. Empowered even, I’d heard.
Not for them the baseless medieval legends,
The world was making fast progress, you know.

Ah Progress! It is a wonderful thing!
Only the horses and the mollusks don’t talk about it.


Categories: humour, personal, pointless

1 comment:

Kausha said...

oh goddamn. vintage vivek is back. run for your lives.